Please put more jokes here

[BrilloPad]

Originally Posted by KathyWoolfe

So, you have a poor short-term memory and can't remember whether or not you've posted them on here before?
Or, when you do get a joke you don't search through all the ones on here to see if they are already on here - admittedly there are a LOT of jokes (ignoring the duplicates, obviously) but I would keep a log of the ones I've already posted.

My only short term memory is about stuff for my kids.

I have posted nearly 600 jokes!

YOU post them and YOU keep a log.

How about some gratitude for my hard work and kindness in sharing my precious joke files?

I presume this is the beginning of sort sort of troll?

[BrilloPad]

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS
40-ish - 49
Adventurous - Slept with everyone
Athletic - No tits
Average looking - Ugly
Beautiful - Pathological liar
Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure - On medication
Feminist - Fat
Free spirit - Junkie
Friendship first - Former very *friendly* person
Fun - Annoying
New Age - Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded - Desperate
Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate - Sloppy drunk
Professional - Bitch
Voluptuous - Very Fat
Large frame - Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate - Stalker

[BrilloPad]

MEN'S ENGLISH
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay

[BrilloPad]

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.
For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.
However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his arse.

[realityhack]

Originally Posted by BrilloPad

How about some gratitude for my hard work and kindness in sharing my precious joke files?

I have to say - much appreciated BP - I'm a regular reader and wonder where you get all these from!

[Denny]

Originally Posted by BrilloPad

My only short term memory is about stuff for my kids.

I have posted nearly 600 jokes!

YOU post them and YOU keep a log.

How about some gratitude for my hard work and kindness in sharing my precious joke files?

I presume this is the beginning of sort sort of troll?

I appreciate them. I trawl through your daily offerings regularly and e-mail my favs off to my friends.

[Denny]

Originally Posted by BrilloPad

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.
For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.
However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his arse.

I think you mean just before menstruating, don't you?

[Denny]

Originally Posted by BrilloPad

What a woman says:

This place is a mess! C'mon! You and I need to clean up! Your stuff is lying
on the floor and you'll have no clothes to wear if we don't do laundry right
now!

What a man hears:

blah,blah,blah,blah, C'MON
blah,blah,blah,blah, YOU AND I
blah, blah,blah,blah, ON THE FLOOR
blah,blah,blah,blah, NO CLOTHES
blah,blah,blah,blah, RIGHT NOW

I like this one.

[BrilloPad]

Originally Posted by Denny

I think you mean just before menstruating, don't you?

I think it depends on the girl? My gf gets incredibly horny just before - well she used to before she got pregnant!

[BrilloPad]

Originally Posted by realityhack

I have to say - much appreciated BP - I'm a regular reader and wonder where you get all these from!

thank you kind Sir.

I kept all the jokes emailed from me from about 1996 - I am about half way through now!

I do try to weed out rubbish ones/duplicates - but it is so hard to know what people like. You remember the one about George W Bush election in 2000 where Florida ballo was close and the queen was going to take it back as a colony? I got that twice and found it unfunny - next it is in the papers and I got it 20 times in my inbox.