Please put more jokes here

[BrilloPad]

Cinderella is now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead
Prince, she sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her
front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.

One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother.
Cinderella said "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these
years?"

The Fairy godmother replied, "Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life
since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?"

Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful
consideration, and almost under her breath she uttered her first wish: I
wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension."

Instantly, her rocking chair was turned into solid gold. Cinderella was
stunned. Bob, her old faithful cat, jumped off her lap and scampered to the
edge of the porch, quivering with fear.

Cinderella said, "Oh thank you, Fairy Godmother". The Fairy Godmother
replied "It is the least I can do. What does your heart want for your second
wish?"

Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said: "I wish I were young
and full of the beauty of youth again". At once, her wish became reality,
and her beautiful youthful visage returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside
her that had been dormant for years. A long forgotten vigor and vitality
began to course through her.

Then the Fairy Godmother again spoke "You have one more wish, what shall
you have?"

Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says,"I wish
for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man".

Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological
make-up, that when complete he stood before her, a man, so beautiful the
likes of which neither she nor the world had ever seen,so fair indeed that
birds began to fall from the sky at his feet.

The Fairy Godmother again spoke, "Congratulations, Cinderella. Enjoy your
new life."

And, with a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, she was gone.

For a few eerie moments, Bob and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes.

Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most stunningly perfect man she
had ever seen. Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her
rocking chair, and held her close in his young muscular arms.

He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he
whispered, "I bet you regret having me neutered now, don't you?"

[BrilloPad]

jokes for girls...

whats got six sides and is very hairy?
a pubic cube

what do you get when you cross and onion with a donkey?
a piece of ass that makes your eyes water

how do you know if your boyfriends a complete winker?
he shouts his own name when he comes

whats the difference between a man and an opal fruit
men dont come in 4 fruity flavours

why were men given slightly larger brains than dogs?
so they dont hump womens legs at cocktail parties

My husband told me that black underwear turned him on.
So I didnt wash his for three whole months.

[BrilloPad]

A gay guy is in the doctor's office:
Doctor: I'm afraid I have bad news. You have an advanced case of AIDS.
Gay Guy: Oh, doctor, doctor, what am I going to DO?
Doctor: Well, I'd say go to Mexico. Drink as much of water as
you can. Not that bottled water - I'm talking about real Mexican
tap water. Then, eat as much of the local food as you can. Make
sure you eat plenty of beans, cabbage and lots and lots of fruit.
Buy hot dogs, tacos and burritos from street vendors, too.
Gay Guy: Doctor, will that cure me?
Doctor: Nope, but it will teach you what your asshole is for!

[BrilloPad]

Tonto stopped at a spot on the plains and put his ear
to the ground and said to the Lone Ranger, "Many
Indians have come here." The Lone Ranger marvelling at
his skills, asked Tonto how he knew this.
Tonto replied, "cause the ground is very sticky"

[BrilloPad]

After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave
me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you
think it means?"

"You'll know on Valentine's Day." he said.

On Valentine's Day, the man came home with a small package and gave it to
his wife.
Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled....
"The Meaning Of Dreams."

[BrilloPad]

Helen and Amanda were discussing their busy schedules.

Helen said, “Amanda, I must ask you something. Every day I feel incredibly
run down and tired. And yet, I see you looking as fresh as a rose. I have to
know: what’s your secret?”

“My secret? Every morning, without fail, I wake up at six o’clock sharp.”

“You wake up at six o’clock?”

”Yes, and then I look at the clock, see what time it is, and go back to
sleep for another four hours.”

[BrilloPad]

What a woman says:

This place is a mess! C'mon! You and I need to clean up! Your stuff is lying
on the floor and you'll have no clothes to wear if we don't do laundry right
now!

What a man hears:

blah,blah,blah,blah, C'MON
blah,blah,blah,blah, YOU AND I
blah, blah,blah,blah, ON THE FLOOR
blah,blah,blah,blah, NO CLOTHES
blah,blah,blah,blah, RIGHT NOW

[BrilloPad]

http://www.theregister.co.uk/content/28/16903.html

A 20-year-old Taiwanese woman had to have a mobile phone surgically removed
from her back passage after a sex game went horribly wrong.

According to a report by PA doctors in Taipei eventually managed to get the
phone - a Nokia 8850 - out and said kinky sex games with her boyfriend has
led to the rectal rumpus. Why a phone? Well, the vibrate function is
definitely thought to have something to do with it. Whose phone? We cannot
be sure whether she coveted her own phone or her boyfriend's. Or whether it
was damaged in the ordeal (apart from olfactorially)

We believe this is the first public case of a mobile phone being used for
such gratification. Well, internally anyway. And advances in miniaturisation
have certainly made anal insertion a more practical possibility.

Our resident sexual freak, Dr Ping Reece had this to say over the matter.
"She made a good choice in Nokia's 8850. Light, compact and with a smooth
finish that will reduce the frictional effects. The vibrate is a good, deep
shake as opposed to some modern phones that twitter rather than moan. It
also has a slide down panel, which has helped me out with a few difficult
extrications, I can tell you."

[BrilloPad]

A Texan, a Russian and a New Yorker go into a restaurant in London. The
waiter says, "Excuse me, but if you wanted the steak you might not get one
as there is a shortage."

The Texan said, "What's a shortage?"

The Russian said, "What's a steak?"

The New Yorker said, "What's excuse me?"

[BrilloPad]

Why are women like tornadoes?

Because when they come, they're wet and wild, and when they go, they take your
car as well.